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考博写作辅导:作文批改范例一

http://kaobo.b2cedu.com  2011-5-27  来源:本站原创  作者:华慧考博…

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考博批改范例

Keeping Healthy 题目是固定的,不要随便更改,用给出的题目good health

With the sharply quickening economy(这句话的表达很别扭,不符合语法结构,可以改成with the fast development of economy), both the (这里没有特指,所以删掉定冠词)students and people who has (注意主谓一致,用have)been aready 拼写错误)working for a long time confront much heavier burden than before. Mojority拼写错误)of them have to keep tightening 这里表示高度集中用keep concentrating)all the time so that they have no time care ( to care) their health. however(注意句首要大写), it is significant to prevent us from illness because a perfect body could be a necessary tool for a successful creer拼写career).

In my veiw拼写), much can be done to kee拼写)fit. on注意大写) the one hand, when we finish the work, making some practice (做些运动用doing some exercises更好)is a good way to burn the energy不应该是消耗你的精力,充其量也就是脂肪吧,所以不如直接写keep fit好一点). We should keepkeep没有花费时间的用法,用spend time in doing) at least half an hour doing some sports. A wonderful body can give us a (精神不可数,所以删掉冠词,不定冠词只用在可数名词单数前面)good spirit. On the other hand, a rational diet is another measure to keep not only healthy but also beautiful.

For myself用宾格形式me), swimming and running are the main exercese (注意拼写,用复数形式). Usually, I do not eat much high energy food like KFC. In a word, a good health is the most important for every one. 

点评:

  第一段的内容过多,而且第一段不必要举例说明某个人群需要健康,每人都需要健康。所以第一段你只要叙述健康的重要性就可以了。第二段和第三段的写作内容还是比较成功的,只是里面有好多的语法错误以及马虎造成的拼写错误导致失分严重,今后写作一定要注意。继续努力!

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