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考博写作辅导:考博作文批改范例七

http://kaobo.b2cedu.com  2011-5-27  来源:本站原创  作者:华慧考博…

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作文批改范例:

What a vividly picture it is! As is shown above, we can see clearly that the purpose of the painter is describeIs to describe…) "LOVE"(Love没有必要大写).Love is the most cherished thing in our interpersonal act 这个表达有错误,可以直接改成love should be most cherished.). It can hlep our注意拼写,help sb. to do这里的sb是宾格形式,所以用help us…) to pass any handicap. Like the draw depict 这部分有问题,可以改成as the drawing depicts, …)"Love is a lamp, which is brighter in the darker place."
     There is a lot of example can illustrate this point 这句话有语法错误,可以改成lots of examples can ….), but I think the below 你可以写成the one below…也可以改成the following one….)one is the best. A destructive and disastrous earthquake occured拼写错误)in Yushu of Qinghai province on April 14,2010. When this news shown on the TV.这只是一个时间状语从句,后面还要接主句,所以中间不用句号结尾,用逗号就行,另外,前面这个从句缺少谓语,应该改成when this news was shown…) The citizen of the china take part 注意表达和时态问题,all Chinese people took part in…)in the salvage operation positively. No matter he's rich or poor.同样的错误,这只是一个让步状语从句,主句是?单独一个从句是不以句号结尾的,后面一定要有主句出现 I think largely because of the Love from everwhere of china , the  victims was rebravery to  construct they home. (这句话表达有误,可以改成because of love from China, victims can rebuild their home.) Not only in the material, but in the spiritual . (这部分同样只是条件状语,真正的主句在哪里?)Love take a删掉,固定用法是take action)very important action in this reconstruction.
      I have some suggestiones注意拼写错误)to help us to show love. First, the media must become a platform to show us what we can do to help others. second, (句首注意字母大写) the citizen should have a sense of responsibility in our daily life. let's句首注意字母大写) light our love lamp to make the world more and more 注意后面brighter本身就是比较级形式了,前面不用more and more,删掉)brighter.

点评:7-8分

文章的大结构没有问题,主题思想表达也比较明确,内容方面也比较有条理,符合题目要求,但是由于语言方面有很大的问题,所以才导致你这篇文章没有得到高分。这些语言问题严重影响了对你文章的理解,导致了很多句子语义无法完整表达,语法结构的错误使用,尤其是主从句的正确使用,都导致文章质量严重下降。从文章反映出你的语言功底还不够扎实,需要继续努力巩固提高。所以希望今后复习过程中能够继续巩固,背诵范文的时候要注意里面词汇语法结构的使用和掌握,多练习。加油,期待你的进步!

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