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考博写作辅导:考博作文批改范例九

http://kaobo.b2cedu.com  2011-5-27  来源:本站原创  作者:华慧考博…

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作文批改范例:

Love is a light这个标题可以不用的,而且还有错误。Light是不可数名词
  In the world love is everywhere. When we are born from our own mother who take pains to bring us up. (这只是一个时间状语从句,不能用句号结尾的,不是一句完整的话。可以改成mother takes great pain to bring us up.)This is mother love. And so,这个可以删掉,没有用,显得多余father earn 主谓一致,earnsenough money for family to make us grow up that will make a contribution to society and take care of our parents. (这句话的语法结构不正确,分不出主从句子了。可以试着先用单句表达,然后再合并到一起。) This is father love.
  In the school, we hadHave,用一般现在时,不要用过去时)lots of friends who were 删掉)play with us and study together. We helped each other when we were in trouble and need to solve it 这部分删掉,显得很罗嗦).(注意这句话里面的时态)This is friendlyshipFriendship).Now, we are facing(going) to graduate from univercity拼写错误universitywhich we learned 4 years in there .(这个定语从句用的不太好,可以删掉)At the moment, we need a large number of 不用这个短语修饰help,你可以说much more help)help which make makes)us stand up in the society.
  Love is kind, honest, brave and brave). These can help oneself and others who need. (这句话表达有问题,难以理解,不如改成Love can help people who are in need out of difficulty and distress.) Just like a light in the dark where let someone panic and lonely. 这句话想表达的意思是?难以理解啊Whether our parents or our workmates we should take care in action instead of complain. (We should give to anyone in need, no matter who they are. Love is each other if someone need it. (这句话不明白意思。可以删掉) Don't hide your love.

点评:6-7分

文章的结构还是比较清晰的,只是内容方面有些欠妥当的地方。比如第二段的实例证明部分,你的例子太笼统,最好能用更加具体到个人的,最好是和陌生人之间的一种互相帮助,这样才能凸显这个图画的主题啊。注意文中的具体表达,注意语法结构的正确使用。从你的文章可以判断,你的基本功并不扎实,需要你在今后的复习中继续巩固基础知识,多读读英语文章,在此过程中一定要注意具体词汇的具体用法,语法结构的正确使用,只有有了这些小的知识点的灵活运用,你在写作的时候才不会觉得想说但不会表达。继续努力,加油啊。

2016年考博备考复习交流QQ群:184307274 2016考博复习交流群

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